Trauma unfortunately has become another one of those buzzwords. More unfortunate is this ends up damaging the probability that it will be taken seriously, or possibly that it will be taken too seriously. Just like any other emotion or emotion attached to an experience; the more power you give it, the more potential it has to take over your life to a greater extent.
The thing is, all trauma needs to be taken seriously. There are many times something horrible or even something that doesn’t seem horrible happens to a child or adult, and the people around them just ignore it. I’ve seen some terrible examples of this, but it isn’t always black and white. Trauma, like all experience, is something that’s relative. Just because it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, doesn’t mean it’s the same for someone else. This should go without saying, but telling someone to “suck it up” does not cure any sort of trauma.
So how do you Deal with it?
As described in previous posts, the details are what’s most important here. Let’s say you have a child that’s being bullied at school, since it happens to like every single of us. Many will say it needs to happen, others say the parents need to step in. I say neither of those are entirely correct. Bullying does not need to happen and there are many ways to teach a child to deal with people that suck, other than placing them in an environment with people (and yes also children) that suck. On a sidenote, this often just teaches the child that is the victim to become a bully themselves which is one of the reasons we have so many, but I digress.
Having a parent “snowplow” through all of the child’s problems for them doesn’t exactly teach the child anything either, except whenever they have a problem, they can have someone else take care of it, and of course they don’t learn how to deal with the problem, and they could get bullied even more for being “a snitch” if the other kids find out, which they often do.
Take it seriously, but don’t freak out
That all being said, when addressing this, you should definitely talk to your child about it and take it seriously. See what they have to say, go over their feelings about it and why they feel that way in that context. Go over strategies they can use (preferably one’s that don’t include anyone getting hurt, but the sad reality is that can be difficult to control/avoid.) This doesn’t mean you should coddle them because they were bullied. This *can* teach a child to dwell on their issues exclusively instead of addressing them. There’s always a specific way to do these things.
A more complicated scenario is if a child is engaging in self-harm because of said trauma. Many will tell you it’s a cry for help, some will say it’s for attention. The truth is, sometimes it is for one of these things. But other times it’s not, and it needs to be taken seriously no matter the theory as to why, because if you’re wrong, the consequences will be severe, and even if you aren’t the behavior can escalate.
So the question is, how do you address it. Same as I stated with the other case. Talk to them about it, ask them why they feel the need to do that, maybe ask about some alternatives they could use instead, and last but not least; probably get them some professional help. It’s the same general idea though. Don’t go extremes. Screaming “jesus christ, what the hell are you doing,” is probably not the best practice. Also, ignoring it is a pretty bad idea.
Put your Emotions Aside, but Keep the Good Ones
As stated before, try your best to put your emotions aside. Therapists are hardly ever the smartest people on earth (sadly enough.) They’re just on the outside of the issue and are able to see the whole dynamic somewhat objectively, at least more so than someone directly involved. Even if it’s become commodified, trauma is real to the people that experience it. I’ve seen people make up trauma and then believe it, and it has the same exact impact as if it were real. This is an extreme example of course, and is rarely the case. Either way, if all of us were to care about the painful experiences others felt, there would be a lot less trauma to begin with.