It’s natural for us to want to protect our kids and ensure they never experience pain or failure. The unfortunate reality is this is how we learn best. That’s not to say you should allow your child to experience pain that will cause irreparable damage, but the small things can make all the difference. The last person a child wants to listen to is their parents, but they will respond accordingly when the world around them teaches them a little lesson “naturally.”
It’s all in *how* you do it.
You ever try to tell a child to tie their shoe and they refuse, and then trip and fall and then come running to you crying? Ever try to tell a kid to wear a coat in the winter, they don’t, or they take it off and then they’re freezing? Nowadays, when things like this happen, I just let it ride. I guess you could call me “mean”, but you have to put your emotions aside as I frequently say. Of course, it’s always important to go over it with them afterwards to connect the dots. If the child goes out in the cold and then gets the sniffles afterwards, you need to explain to them that is why. I can’t emphasize this enough, but it really depends on the amount of harm that can be done. A little scrape on a safe playground with rubber bottom? Fine. Some sniffles from cold? No big deal. Having shoes untied next to the edge of a cliff, or going out without a coat in sub-zero temperatures? Definitely not fine.
Children aren’t so different from adults. They don’t want to listen to anyone, and they think they know best. It’s the human ego and it’s far from just kids or teenagers. We do it plenty. Natural consequences can also teach children to trust their thoughts more than their ego. This is working on impulse control and it’s something all children struggle with. This mostly applies to children 4 and up, and even 4 is a bit young. The older they are, the more serious natural consequences they can deal with. For example, if they’re older and trying to date a terrible person for the wrong reasons. First of all, I’m sorry. Second of all, let it go. The sooner they learn these things, the better.
You may not be able to control your child but you can control their environment.
If you don’t feel comfortable letting your child get hurt in any sort of way, there are things you can do to simulate the environment. If they’re really young, you could get them or create some challenging activities depending on their interests. You could also introduce them to something new that they may not be so good at, but would be able to with enough practice. You could also let them play in a playground that has padding and is generally safe.
The key here is ensuring they learn from some sort of consequence. If they’re not allowed to make mistakes, they won’t learn. As always, what matters most is that you think about these things and the best way to implement them. Just like how no one strategy will work for every child, no one particular style will work for every parent.