I often hear people say something along the lines of “children come first.” I understand the idea behind this, but we don’t often question whether or not it’s accurate or healthy. The truth is, the parents need to come first, because the child will react to your actions and reactions.
How can your child do well if you’re not well?
You need to be as prepared as possible in order to work with the child’s behavior objectively. Besides, is sending your child the message that they’re more important than everyone else really the best message to send them? God forbid, they reach the age of 18 and (hopefully) move out on their own only to realize most people don’t really care about them, their opinions, or their feelings. That would make for a pretty difficult transition to adulthood.
There’s a saying in the field. “It’s the parents job to fulfill the needs of the child; not the child’s responsibility to fulfill the needs of the parent.” This is true, but in order to fulfill your child’s needs, you need to address your own. The relationship between a parent and their child has a lot in common with other types of relationships, though we tend to see it differently by default. You can’t depend on someone else to address your needs, and in order to be the best possible person in the relationship, you need to have your own life outside of the relationship as well.
This is counterintuitive for many, especially since people will often have children to fulfill a need; such as to have purpose or a legacy. The amount of cases I’ve had where the parent just works or isolates; I can’t count that high. Whether it’s going out for a walk, hanging out with friends, watching some TV, playing some games; whatever it is, making a routine effort (once a week at least) to address your own needs is paramount.
A parent is just as much human as a child
In Mental Health or Child Protective Services the child is the client and all of our work with the parents and family is centered around the child and their emotional well-being and safety. This makes sense given the nature of the service. However, it may seem obvious to say, but the parent is a human being too.
There is this general perspective that they are an adult, and therefore they are *supposed to* be able to take care of themselves. There’s so much wrong with that socially, but also individually it’s rarely the case. The parent needs support as well and deserve it just as much as any other person; no matter the age, gender, or general group they identify with.