In the field, parents aren’t considered natural supports. This never much made sense to me. Sure, being an effective parent may not come naturally to everyone (or anyone for that matter), but wanting to ensure the survival of ones offspring is as natural as you get.
As stated, being an effective parent does not come naturally. This is because your reaction, your reactivity is often not the most effective response. This is true in nearly any sort of relationship, which is why they’re so difficult to sustain long-term. They’re even more difficult when they’re close to home, when they are vulnerable, and your child is pretty close to home considering they ideally live in your home.
All that being said, it’s quite effective to have someone outside your home be a positive influence on your child. Everyone knows the last person a child listens to is their parents (to be fair, the last person a parent listens to is their child. It doesn’t have to be someone in the family or even close to the family; it can be a friend, teacher, older sibling of the kids friend, anyone really. Of course, you want to ensure they’re a safe person. Try not to be so keen on stranger danger either. Statistically, children are nearly always abused by someone very close to them. It doesn’t mean you should go find a stranger at the park and ask them to rear your child; it does mean finding community for your child is always positive, but takes some work. Who knows, maybe you’ll find some community for yourself too.
For the baby boomers, you had very few authority figures. Parents, extended family, teachers, and maybe a pastor or priest. For Gen Y, Z, and Millenials? Try millions. Everyone and their mother is an “influencer,” everyone has an opinion about everything, every advertisement and news program is trying to sell you an idea. More importantly, they’re trying to sell you an identity. It’s basic marketing. In order to ensure your child doesn’t identify with some psychopath who lives in their parents basement and spends their whole day shouting at a television, you must find alternatives for the kid. Kids tend to value the opinions of those who are older than them but much younger than us. This is important, but also makes it all the more complicated, because really, who’s a responsible adult before the age of 30?
Even though you are the most natural of supports for your child, doesn’t mean your child will recognize that anytime soon. It’s important for everyone to have a sense of community. Any time you see on the news that someone did something crazy to someone else or themselves, they were isolated and alone. If you yourself have a lack of people around you, maybe the search is something you and your child can do together. If any of this sounds a bit like a contradiction, welcome to parenting. Parenting is a very complex paradox.